As if the world needed another Toronto Maple Leafs blog.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Offseason Boredom Post #1
Alright, so next season is basically a write-off in terms of rooting for the Leafs to win. They probably won't, and they'd be better off in the end if they ended up being the worst team in the NHL.
What, then, do us suffering Leafs fans have to look forward to next season? What do we cheer for?
I would say that if we can't crush our opposition on the scoreboard next year, we might as well try and crush them physically and spiritually.
With that in mind, I've compiled a Mark Bell (S)Hitlisttm assuming he's even on our roster next year (and I'd like to keep him, he fits Fletch's view of being tough to play against, a physical guy and he still has some skill):
1. Dany Heatley. Just look at him. And really, Heatley kills Dan Snyder and gets off for being at the legal limit of alcohol, Mark Bell hits a signpost and gives a guy "whiplash" (onset symptoms after realizing that Bell makes over 2mil a year) and has to do time? Basically, Bell is a danger to society when drunk, while Heatley proves he is more of a danger to society while sober and gets off. WTF justice system? That's all kinds of whiggity-whack. It's time for Bell to show Heater that when justice fails, street justice prevails.
2. Sean Avery I'm going to preface this by coming clean, I hate Sean Avery. A lot. Some don't, I do. I hate the fact that he's a dumbass, that he's an arrogant prick, that he dated Elisha Cuthbert, and I doubly hate the fact that he always scores on us. Plus, stick-waving? Mark Bell gonna show that there ain't no muther getting away with none of that bull-ish in our house.
3. Marian Hossa I don't disagree him signing with the Wings at all. But it would be too damn funny if, after all that winning the cup stuff and burning his bridges with the Pens, he missed the playoffs and they were eliminated. Plus I know some Pens fans that would gush over the schadenfreude.
4. Andrew Peters I still haven't gotten over the golf swing. How did it feel to be on the Sabres this year you worthless prick?
Any other suggestions?
(please note that the preceding message was in pure jest and that OGiB does not in fact support the bodily harm of any human being, Dany Heatley excluded)