Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Offseason Boredom Post #1

Alright, so next season is basically a write-off in terms of rooting for the Leafs to win. They probably won't, and they'd be better off in the end if they ended up being the worst team in the NHL.

What, then, do us suffering Leafs fans have to look forward to next season? What do we cheer for?

I would say that if we can't crush our opposition on the scoreboard next year, we might as well try and crush them physically and spiritually.

With that in mind, I've compiled a Mark Bell (S)Hitlist tm assuming he's even on our roster next year (and I'd like to keep him, he fits Fletch's view of being tough to play against, a physical guy and he still has some skill):

1. Dany Heatley.

Just look at him. And really, Heatley kills Dan Snyder and gets off for being at the legal limit of alcohol, Mark Bell hits a signpost and gives a guy "whiplash" (onset symptoms after realizing that Bell makes over 2mil a year) and has to do time? Basically, Bell is a danger to society when drunk, while Heatley proves he is more of a danger to society while sober and gets off. WTF justice system? That's all kinds of whiggity-whack. It's time for Bell to show Heater that when justice fails, street justice prevails.

2. Sean Avery
I'm going to preface this by coming clean, I hate Sean Avery. A lot. Some don't, I do. I hate the fact that he's a dumbass, that he's an arrogant prick, that he dated Elisha Cuthbert, and I doubly hate the fact that he always scores on us. Plus, stick-waving? Mark Bell gonna show that there ain't no muther getting away with none of that bull-ish in our house.

3. Marian Hossa
I don't disagree him signing with the Wings at all. But it would be too damn funny if, after all that winning the cup stuff and burning his bridges with the Pens, he missed the playoffs and they were eliminated. Plus I know some Pens fans that would gush over the schadenfreude.

4. Andrew Peters
I still haven't gotten over the golf swing. How did it feel to be on the Sabres this year you worthless prick?

Any other suggestions?

(please note that the preceding message was in pure jest and that OGiB does not in fact support the bodily harm of any human being, Dany Heatley excluded)


Chemmy said...

I always pegged you as a Peters fan, weird.

Down Goes Brown said...

Am I the only Leaf fan who never forgave Hossa for carving Berard? Everyone else seems to shrug it off (especially in Ottawa, where it's one of those things that Must Not be Mentioned) but I still think he needs some payback.

MF37 said...

I've always hated Daryl Sydor and I have no idea why. I hope Bell crunches him.

Scott Waker on the Canes was a total bust in my hockey pool. May he get caught with his head down, travelling at high speed.

Kovalev, helmet off, hair flowing, looking oh so stylish while taking a suicide pass...and WHAMMO!

I'd be rather happy with that.

Jaredoflondon said...

excellent choices.

I'd also like to add Daniel Brier to the list. I know he's a hobbit and its like cruelty to animals but that little bugger irritates the crap out of me.
Also Chara, if Tucker can do it, so can Bell.
And if Sundin signs with the Canucks or Habs.......well I don't know about that one yet

James said...

I'd like to see some kind of trick shot where he can take out BOTH heatley and spezza at the same time.. Drills spezza who goes flying into heatley and they all go down in an akward, giggling heap.


Scott Baker said...

I'd considered Chara, but it's kind of a tall order...

Down Goes Brown said...

And if Sundin signs with the Canucks or Habs...

Sweep the leg, Johnny.

Jaredoflondon said...

I just got the best mental picture of Bell crane kicking Kovalev.

It was glorious

Jaredoflondon said...

Also, Cam Jansen needs a ride on the revenge train.